


500 Year Diary entry

by kapakoscheisigma



Category: Doctor Who: Virgin New Adventures - Various Authors
Genre: Jealousy, M/M, Pre-Slash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-01-24
Updated: 2012-01-24
Packaged: 2017-10-30 01:47:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 693
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/326409
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kapakoscheisigma/pseuds/kapakoscheisigma
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>One of two companion pieces to my epic summer in San Fransisco. The Doctor is jealous of the new development in the relationship between his two companions...</p>
            </blockquote>





	500 Year Diary entry

Excerpt from 500 year diary: 

I could delude myself, convince myself of my confusion, my bewilderment at such feelings. I could alternatively convince myself of my own moral outrage. Hah! How dare my companions get together behind my back! I can’t remember the last time two of my companions actually fell into such a relationship after travelling together for so long In the early days it seemed to happen quite often, or I was more innocent of humans, perhaps? Didn’t notice the developing feelings. I thought I was more adept at reading my companions? I certainly never saw this. After all, Chris always gave me indications of... Or is that just wishful thinking? 

It was Nyssa and Tegan! The last ones. That hypocritical prim bitch with her homophobia. I wasn’t supposed to know, naturally. Truth was, it was all rather amusing in a sad, ironic way. Poor Tegan, I suspect Nyssa was second best.

Yes, poor Tegan. I know how she felt now.

Of course I could delude myself I don’t understand these human feelings of love and lust. Time Lords aren’t supposed to have intense feelings. Just like Time Lords are supposed to ignore the purely physical appearance.

What utter rot!

We are taught to ignore the physical, but one cannot completely teach out instinct. As for intense feelings...

This is eating me up. Tearing me apart. Earth expressions that are both very apt. I’ve never felt this way before. Did Koschei? So, this is the green eyed monster? Interesting.

No it isn’t. How dare he do this to me! When I think of all those smiles, all those little hints... When he won those teddy bears it was me he gave them to. Not Roz. Not one each. Me. And his smile. Oh Gods, his smile The way he holds me when I’m injured or afraid.

Why? Why why why?

Why did I wait, play hard to get, wait like a stupid queen for him to make the first move? Why?

The utter cow! She knows how I feel, she’s not naive in the slightest about any mythological Time Lords being above such feelings. I can’t believe Bernice didn’t understand my pain. Does she think what I’ve done is coldly part of Time’s Champion’s manipulation. She’s met the Master. I thought she knew. I’d always thought she knew. Perhaps I should start telling companions. “Come out” is the phrase, is it not? I certainly should have done so to Chris. The way he looks at me. Why? Why her not me?

The bitch! How dare the manipulative trollop steal...

 

*

 

The Doctor ripped out the page from his diary, screwed it in a tight ball and flung it at the wall. Standing, he swept his arm across the desk knocking the contents on the floor. Roaring with pent up angry, fearful emotions he threw the chair across the room. Then he wrecked his entire bedroom.

Half an hour later he was curled up on the floor, his quilt draped across his shoulders, shivering with an exhaustion of overwhelming, confusing feelings. Is this what had tipped Koschei over the edge into schizophrenia? If that was the case, did he love Chris, not merely feel attracted to him? Why hadn’t he indicated to Chris that Time Lords - that he - had sexuality?

He stared emptily into space, unable to work out what to do next. Jasper and Stewert, the two teddy bears Chris had given him, were clutched to his chest. Chris had been a teddy bear himself when the Doctor had first seen him, a seven foot body-beppled teddy bear with blond fur. He stroked Jasper’s head, wishing he could stroke Chris’ hair, his face, explore the hair on his chest, the six pack, strong legs...

The Doctor threw his bears away. Some consolation teddies were, they weren’t Chris, couldn’t provide him with what he wanted - needed! - right now. He felt angry enough to kill Roz, yet he liked her. Worse, he felt desperate enough to throw himself at Chris’ feet and plead with him to listen. Beating up his room hadn’t really helped. Roz and Chris were still together somewhere in his TARDIS.


End file.
